A letter to Mom

My beloved Mom,

My sweetie Mom, I remember you these days more much than anytime else so strong,

I hope that all pleasures and happiness of life walk with you, smile dace on your lips with full of amour and the smallest grief elusive from you. However I am far away from you, but I always feel close to you more than I do to myself. I still sleep on your feet and telling you history in my dreams.

Let me share you some about how your son is looks like here, on the other side of the waters…

Your son is not like before in many ways. He is not that young boy who had many dreams to build, full of inspirations and hopes, neither like his childhood which was full of reasonableness happiness. All of them are destroyed. His heart doesn’t have the ability of carrying the pains, like his teenage cloths which has no ability of his corps anymore and his heart is not that empty like his chillness’s Piggy bank which he was complaining about that’s emptiness. His heart is over load now, over capacity and broken in several parts.

Mom, do you still remember when you were telling me that "son, happiness cannot be bought and today’s happiness never come back”? Now I understand what you meant and I live with those entirely words. Wish at least the emotions (happiness and sadness) were equal. I am saying this because the second one is heavier one that breaths in me and made a wide kingdom in me … These topsy-turvies stolen all the joys of my soul and gift me many other things, Gifts of P-A-I-N, F-T-I-G-U-E, D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N…. These cities threw my life to the Sludge. No, forgive me mom, threw me, myself to the Sludge... Mom, these days I am so weak, mentally more than physically. I feel that I am totally lost in somewhere ahead to nowhere... Dear mother, I know that you will never be able to read this letter but still I am writing, perhaps one day you may have a look at these words on the skies. I write my lonesome /missed which is multiplying each moment and I write to share all of them with you, the only LOVE who truly cares about me.

Mom, I want promise you that I will fight for all these adversities and I will combated against all of them up to death. I will show you how strong your son is going to be and I will reach what I want I am sure that I build the building which I was dreaming, does not matter if I have faced these accidents but it is important that I still have my hopes and fight for.

Mother “Jan”, I wish we were together and like always when I have done some mistake, you were advising me and even sometimes when you were at mad, you were screaming on me and I was smiling quietly and loved your anger but when you was happy, I was sharing my daily activities and some funny things have done by me and you was laughing...

Mom, when my eyes picking up the stars, I whispering Good Night to you my beloved Mom. even we are staying apart, at least in Allah’s vision we are together… even if I am not be able to sleep beside you but still we are in the same planet consuming the same air.

God! You the one who is the owner of the universe, I have one demand from you; “Please give me the chance to see my beloved Mom again in this life, bring the peace of her heart anytime she feels worry about her son, sweep all the tears on her face as my hands cannot reach to her cheeks and if you were welling… One day soon, I will come and kiss her with the full of love to tell her that her son survived!!!”

I love you mom! Ohh my prostration…!